Do you think about what you say?

Tonight I had a conversation with a friend and they asked me this question: “Do you know what your going to say prior to saying it?”

My immediate response was “Who me? Are you kidding?”

Well, I mean really, who has time for that? Isn’t it exhausting to do? Don’t you end up saying things that you “think” people want to hear instead of what you really want to say?

I ask you all to think about this and then answer the same question yourself.

Most of the time, people pause before they speak, even if ever so slightly, trying to formulate or “filter” what is about to come out of their mouths. Or they pause and formulate their response before the person has finished talking. They can’t wait and anticipate the ending so they can formulate their response quicker. My question is why do we do that?

There are times in our lives when filtering is a necessary evil…. you know those times. These are the ones where you know for sure, that if you said what you really wanted to say, at the moment you wanted to it, the repercussions could be huge! Like the time you really want to tell your boss “to take this job and shove it” or “yes, you do look fat in that dress” or “no you can’t have that” or “are you really that stupid?”.

Now, we use politically correct terminologies to “soften the blow” or filter the impact of what it is we are trying to say. Sometimes, if your practiced, or trying to be funny while hoping to get your point across we now say things like: “Although I have been with this company for xxx many years, I feel that it is my time to move on”…. this may be the right thing for some situations, but come on now, if you hated your job/boss/ 9 to 5 routine, wouldn’t you love to say that famous phrase… at least just once? I know you would!

Here is another: “Honey, if you were wearing a paper bag, to me you’d still look great”. This, in the right situation can be the correct phrase to say, but only on your wedding day!!! If your significant other is truly looking for your opinion, and your afraid to give it, then you should prepare yourself ahead of time “just in case your asked”…. Pick your favourite dress/outfit and tell her “You look good in that, but my favourite is the black/red/green/sexy/slinky (fill in your own words) alternative you really do like to see her in. Not only will she appreciate the honesty, but she may be flattered as well.

Or “you’re not the brightest crayon in the box” or “your not the sharpest tool in the shed” or even “how stupid do you think I am?” Duh… um if you ask the question, be prepared for the answer and do not…. I repeat do not…. be shattered with the results.

So how often, if ever do you go around “filtering/editing/your thoughts?” Another equation to this is “how does the other person perceives” the words that just hit them. This too is huge because no matter what, perception is in the mind of the beholder and simply put…. no one else. Just like beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is perception.

Sure we can be in a group where we all thought it meant one way, but our filtered thoughts never allow us to go back and question what was just said. We would rather live in our comfortable little perception bubbles without truly stepping out to understand what it is or what that really meant. We would prefer to be hurt or offended or scared to ask, rather than appear to not understand. I guess “stupid is as stupid does”.

So do you filter your thoughts? Or just put it out there?

Till next time